Archive for August, 2010

Why do people keep staring at my cock?

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I’m tired of all this talk about male enhancement and people suffering from a small penis. Blah-blah, you’ve got problems but maybe some of us are sick of hearing about it. Plus, the shoddy adverts for “performance pills” are not very convincing. Anyway, since everybody else can cry about their penis, I figured I’d join the party.  Cheers now!  😉

Yes folks, I got a big, divine dong and I’m proud of it.  BUT, I also have a huge problem.  I can’t figure out why some people keep staring at my cock!

These problems started early on, years ago, even in High School. But recently, it has just gotten ridiculous and I wanted to talk about some (too many to list) examples of these freaks who have staring problems! Okay, like, this past spring, I had some clown run over my mailbox because of this very issue. I was almost done mowing my yard and was just finishing up the front yard, but suddenly, I got an urge to take a piss. I was not about to walk all the way inside the house just to urinate, then have to come back out there and finish the mowing job. So, I just stood by a tree and took a whiz right there, you know, to save steps. Well, here comes some car slowly going down the road, in front of my house. I didn’t think anything about it, figured I’d wave like a friendly neighbor and be done with it. But no, no, no… This maniac comes down the road with their eyes glued to my urinating meatpole – while not even looking at the road – and runs over my damn mailbox! I don’t even think the fool even noticed my courtesy-wave, but whatever. I hurried up and finished, then I zipped up my bulging package and went running towards the mailbox, then this lunatic takes off. Yeah, the bastard performed a hit & run on my USPS receptor, but luckily for me, the damages weren’t too bad. I swear, people need to pay more attention to the road!

Another recent example, is when I went to the dentist office about a month ago. I had to get a couple fillings (fill the caries with silver or some other unknown alloy), but the only good thing about the visit was the super-sexy dental assistant. She had these big, succulent breasts, and full thick lips. The whole time I was laying there getting my teeth drilled, I kept fantasizing about having sex with this woman. Oh, man, I was feeling so aroused. Well, anyway, she was suppose to be holding that suction thing in my mouth where the dentist is working at – to catch the fragments that occur from getting a tooth drilled and to also suck up the water when it is sprayed in there on occasions. I was laying back in that chair, daydreaming about thrusting my manhood into her available openings and then AHH! She evidently wasn’t paying attention and let that suction device slide out of my mouth and then hovered it over one of my nostrils and I jumped as it tickled a nostril hair or something – and the dentist slipped the drill and hit one of my good teeth. After a quick yell from the dentist, telling her to pay attention, they resumed. I thought to myself “okay, that was weird.” Well, I went back to fantasizing about ramming her with my swollen rod and a minute or so later, she did it again! Talk about pissed! The dentist, without thinking, yelled out, “if you’d quit staring at his genitalia, maybe you could pay attention to your job!” The assistant, now embarrassed, left the room and I never seen her again. The dentist said he would be right back, and when he returned, he brought a different dental assistant in there. She was older and somewhat resembled a troll, but oh well… I don’t know why the other assistant was staring at my cock because they BOTH were suppose to be working on my teeth! Some people really have some serious issues, I suppose. Upon leaving, the dentist told me that next time, I should probably take care of some things before coming in there. Confused by that asinine statement, I said, “like, take care of what?” He started to stare at my genital region and then began to nod… I said, “you people are fucking crazy,” and left. I never went back to that dental asylum again!

This next example is just plain gay. A couple weeks ago, I ordered a pizza and some cheese sticks from a pizzeria. Instead of picking it up, I had it delivered – since I was in a hurry. Anyway, I set the money on the counter by the door, drank me a beer, smoked a cigarette, and decided to take a quick shower. Oh yeah, I was starting to crave some damn delicious pizza by now, and I couldn’t wait until my supreme pizza fucking arrived! After showering, when I got out, I realized that I forgot to bring my clothes into the bathroom. …On the way to my room, I decided that I wanted another beer, so I went into the kitchen, butt naked as could be (nobody was home, so who cares). About the time I shut the fridge door, I heard a knock at the door behind me. I look out and it’s the damn pizza guy already! I was thinking it usually took them longer to get here, but whatever… It’s too late to get dressed, since I don’t want to keep a person of delivery waiting – especially with hot pizza, so I grab the money off the counter and open the door. The guy, with his mouth wide open while staring at my cock, drops the damn pizza and cheese sticks on the ground and starts walking backwards. I’m holding the money in my hand, but refuse to go any further since I’m butt naked…so I yell, “hey, do you want this!” I said that several times, but it seemed to make him move even quicker to his car. I thought to myself, “hey, if he doesn’t want to take the money for the pizza, then that is his problem.” All I could do was ask, but either way, the guy had some serious staring problems and he seemed to think my dick was a focal point or something that he should be gawking at while refusing to take my money. All I was trying to do was pay for my meal, nothing more! I’m telling ya, some of these people are fucking nuts!

This last example, is really recent. It involves a couple co-workers. These two were girlfriend & boyfriend at the time, but that’s not important. I have this fire ring that I built last year, outside, in a distant field. I invited them over for a weekend beer party and we were going to build a fire and all that good stuff. Me and my girlfriend along with this couple, were having a good time on the beginning by the toasty campfire. The other guy ended up getting sick midway through the night and went home. Shortly after, my girlfriend became tired and went inside to go to bed. So, it is just me and this other girl. She seemed to be a big drinker. She didn’t look all that great in the face, but she had a body that you would kill for. Anyway, while being nice to her since she was a guest, I suggested to her that maybe we can “play around” and that I could perhaps shove my over-sized shaft into any orifice she deemed available. She was barely coherent at the time and was very intoxicated, but I think I heard a “yes” in there amid her mumbles or I suppose it could have been my imagination, who knows… So I grabbed her sternly, bent her over, shucked her pants and panties down, and began trying to pervade her vaginal cavity like the good guy I am. Man, that stuff was seriously tight. I had to keep spitting on my cock since I didn’t have any available lube out in the wilderness, but eventually, I finally broke through her firm barrier of welded madness. Oh, she screamed like I was raping her or something. I was thinking, “what is your problem?” I repetitively pounded away, stroke after stroke, thrust after thrust, while I tried to become oblivious to the fact that she sounded like a dying dog during the process. I assumed that this bitch was an ex-mental patient since she seemed to act so wild & childish while I was cramming ever inch I could get into her seemingly vice-grip-like vagina. After a few minutes, I couldn’t stand her cries any longer and I pulled out and ejaculated all over her drunken face.

Anyway, after that, I went inside to get some more beer. When I got inside, I noticed that I had blood all over me.
I was like, WTF? When I went back outside, she was passed out on the ground – but she did manage to put her pants & panties back on before collapsing to the fire-warmed earth. I said, “this sucks; get up!” She didn’t seem to respond but she was at least still breathing. Well, the next day, my girlfriend had to take her home. I must have been asleep because I don’t remember her doing such…or how…or if the other girl even made it back in the house that night.
To make a long story short, I found out later that those two (my co-workers that I invited over) were waiting until they got married to have sex and that she was still a virgin. Oops! Hell, I didn’t know! Anyway, a couple days later, I heard they broke up for good and just the other day, the funniest thing happened at work… As I passed this guy in the hallway, towards the end of the work day, he was soooo staring at my “stuff” as if he envied it or whatever…and tripped over a dust mop that was laying across his path, and landed face down into the concrete floor. I was thinking to myself in a humorous fashion, after he fell, “finally, someone gets paid back for staring at my cock!” Why do people keep staring at my cock? Ha-ha!

lick_my_nuts

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Fried Green Tomatoes – Southern Tradition

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One of the joys of having your own garden, is that you decide what goes into the soil and you determine when you want to pick it.

It’s not like you can go, at least not around here, to the market and purchase green tomatoes, for example.
Fried green tomatoes is what I like to call a “southern tradition,” although the act of frying these green delights have become more widespread – as more & more folks try them for the first time…and love ’em! The southern U.S., especially the Southeastern area, is notorious for frying anything that can possibly be fried.
On a side note: Maybe that is why I recently read about Tennessee, Mississippi, and Alabama being the top fattest states of America.
You can read more about that here: http://today24news.com/health/mississippi-tennessee-and-alabama-are-top-fattest-states-of-america-301372

Yep, that Southern Tradition involving the good ol’ frying pan may be one of the many culprits towards health issues; but lets not ruin this post by talking about obesity; enjoy yourself for now and go grab some green tomatoes out of your garden and get the frying pan ready…

This is how I prepare them:

To serve two people, as one of the side items to the entree, I usually go out and grab 3 medium-sized green tomatoes. They don’t have to be totally unripe, either. In fact, some of the best tasting ones I’ve cooked, was the ones that were just starting to turn yellow-orange in spots – although I usually pick the big green ones.
I slice mine fairly thick, into at least 1/4th to 3/8th inch slices – put them on a plate and set aside.
On a separate plate, I pour out my batter mix using half flour and half corn meal. I then, add a decent amount of seasoned salt, black pepper, Season All, and just a small amount of sugar into the batter. I take a fork and mix it all up until the contents are evenly distributed.
I go ahead and add my oil into a large skillet and preheat it on medium-high; I use Canola oil.
I batter the green tomatoes and drop them into the hot oil.
I fry them fairly quickly over medium-high heat, and on the second turn over, I usually add Louisiana Hot Sauce to one side.
Fry them until desired doneness is achieved.

They are best served within an hour or so, but they can still be ate after refrigerating; they just won’t be crisp and will end up being more mushy and whatnot – upon re-heating from the fridge.

Fried_Green_Tomatoes

Extra tidbit:   If you end up with a lot of green tomatoes towards the end of the growing season and/or would like to know of a couple excellent ways to ripen them in a quicker fashion, look below…

The best way to ripen green tomatoes:  some folks have good luck by placing their unripe tomatoes in a cardboard box while covering them with newspaper or other means of cover – while placing them in a dark place.  Some experienced gardeners simply use a brown bag, by placing the green tomatoes into it and then crinkling or folding the bag semi-shut…so the ethylene gas can enhance the ripening process.  I’ve used both simple methods and they are very effective.   You can read more about the natural effects of ethylene gas, here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethylene

Just remember, once you place your tomatoes in the refrigerator, whether ripe or not, the ripening process stops – so make sure they are at the desired ripeness before doing such.

Botfly Larva – Wicked Maggot

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The Botfly, commonly spelled “Bot Fly,” also known as the torsalo and warble fly, is about twice the size of a common housefly.

Its maggot larva are known to live as parasites in human flesh, along with other animals and whatnot. The Botfly’s larva burrows itself into the flesh, and begins to consume body tissue while being able to breath air from its own backside (as odd as that may sound).

This wicked fly, is a sly little bastard, and often uses mosquitoes to transport their eggs, and when the mosquitoes bite a person, for example, the eggs are released onto the victim due to your body heat.

I recently stumbled upon this subject matter because we had kittens a few months ago and…the mother of the kittens turned up missing, so we had to pay special attention to them. The runt of the bunch, which we named “Crummy,” had this sore on its neck and it seemed to be infected. My girlfriend put antibiotics on it and brought the cat inside. A couple days later, it seemed to get worse and it had a swollen ring around the infected area. Well, one night, my girlfriend came running into the bedroom and woke me up. She said, “oh my god…you won’t believe this, something is living inside of Crummy!” She was totally freaked out and it took her hours to calm down. I looked at what appeared to be this bored out hole in its neck, and ever so many seconds this wormy looking creature would poke its head, ass, or whatever it was, out of the hole and quickly retreat back into Crummy’s neck. To make it short, my girlfriend kept pouring alcohol into the hole, since hydrogen peroxide didn’t seem to work, and it aggravated the Botfly Larva in such a way, it would start to poke out of the opening far enough so she could get some tweezers around it to pull it out.
This is how we come to realize what a Botfly and its larva looked like, and I learned even more about this parasite – after searching online for more information. I’ll provide some informative resource links, in a moment. But first, I’ll drop down a couple images…

Botfly Larva (maggot):

botfly_larva

The Repugnant Botfly:

botfly

Here’s a few links related to this wicked maggot that contains loads of information and additional images:

Page 1) http://ambergriscaye.com/pages/town/botfly.html

Page 2) http://ambergriscaye.com/pages/town/botfly2.html

Human Botfly Infestation Story that transpired in Costa Rica:

http://vexman.com/botfly.htm [link is no longer active]

To read more about the human botfly, visit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_botfly

Animal Planet video about this sinister Botfly via YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90exkFR2iSM

Well, there you have it.  There’s plenty of resource links and information within those links/pages above, about this lovely subject of Botfly infestation.

Japanese Beetles – Garden Pest

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I’ve planted many small gardens over the years and have never had that many problems with pests. But this year, I grew my first large garden in an open field with loads of various plants including a separate area for a corn field. Well, everything was going just fine until late June when these clumsy, awkward, ugly, pesky Japanese Beetles started showing up.

Yeah, I was real impressed with their appetite, as they devoured the leaves off my Okra plants along with several other plant varieties. But what disgruntled me the most, is when they entered into the corn field. They love to eat the silks off the ears of corn and if they get to it early enough, it will devastate your yield. Luckily for me, I had planted so much corn that I still had a decent crop. The beetles didn’t effect the end result of the rest of my harvest, but what will they do next year?

I’m not one to use poisons and sprays, since the whole point of growing your own food, at least to me, is to have fresh, organic produce. Anyway, I’ll provide a picture of this garden pest, along with an excerpt from Wikipedia about “control” when it comes to Japanese Beetles. If you enjoy gardening and you see these buzzing freaks enter into your green kingdom of vegetation, you may be interested in the following:

“Research performed by many US extension service branches has shown that pheromone traps attract more beetles than they catch. Traps are most effective when spread out over an entire community, and downwind and at the borders (ie, as far away as possible, particularly upwind), of managed property containing plants being protected. Natural repellents include catnip, chives, garlic, and tansy, as well as the remains of dead beetles, but these methods have limited effectiveness. Additionally, when present in small numbers, the beetles may be manually controlled using a soap-water spray mixture, shaking a plant in the morning hours and disposing of the fallen beetles, or simply picking them off attractions (that’s what I did this year), since the presence of beetles attracts more beetles to that plant.”

Read more about these annoying bastards, here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_beetle 

japanese_beetle

At any rate, I’ll be on the lookout for these beetles next year and prepare to combat this garden pest without poisons; If needed, I may possibly bring a fu*king blow torch to the scene!

Creative Stories

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Site News:  Originally, one of the many categories within this blog was “fictional short stories.”  Well, as the site has progressed, the blog is mainly being used for informative subjects and miscellaneous topics.  Besides, when keeping up with several blogs and a main site, it is hard to find time to muse fictional writings.  On the other hand, I’ve recently added a creative writing section at the main site.

Currently, the featured creative story is 11 chapters long and is entitled “Were the first Earthmen astronauts?”  In the future, whether fact or fiction, you can find additional stories in our “recent articles” section.

Another section that has died on this blog, is the ‘rant’ category.  When and if I do an occasional rant or have something silly to moan about, you can find it at the Anti-Dolt Blog.  For example, one of my recent gripe sessions at that site was entitled “Lawn Mowing Lunatics.”  …Another example is the one I wrote that was entitled “Working for Nothing.”  Often times, on that particular blog site, in between rants, I spice it up with some sexy bikini girls, succulent breasts, and big booty babes.   …You know, for contrast.  Ha-ha!

—End of Site News

Aromatherapy Massage Oil

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Ahh, the aromatic bliss found within certain types of aromatherapy massage oils can often heighten your erotic moments between you and your partner.

Yes, these oils are not limited to innocent massages, as they can enhance your sensual experiences in many ways.  On this page, I’m basically promoting my favorite massage oil that I’ve used for years. It is called Inttimo (by WET) and this particular oil within the set is labeled “Romance.”

Inttimo_Romance

I’ll provide the promo that is located on the back of this bottle along with the ingredients used:

“Fall in love with the alluring fusion of cedarwood and patchouli… Unleash your sensual power through the ancient healing art of aromatherapy. Inttimo’s silky blend of vitamin enriched natural oils glide on easily and leave your skin irresistibly soft and delicately scented for hours. Whether massaged into the skin, sprinkled in your bath water, or used to pamper every inch of your body… Inttimo aromatherapy massage oil will balance your mind, body and spirit.”

Ingredients: Sweet Almond Oil, Aroma, Caprylic/Capric Triglycerides, Aloe Vera Leaf Juice, Vitamin E, Vitamin A, Macadamia Seed Oil, Hemp Seed Oil, Avocado Oil, Sunflower Oil, Kukui Nut Oil, tBHQ, Propylparaben, Phenoxyethanol, Methylparaben, Glycerol Oleate, Essential Oils.

Although this massage oil has many uses, my girlfriend usually used it for her bath water and we both used it, at times, to add some extra flare, during sexual intercourse. It does make for an excellent massage and some people also use it for lubrication, as well. The scent from the “Romance” oil is very soothing and it is the best multi-purpose erotic oil that I’ve run across thus far; you’ll just have to try it for yourself – besides, it’s great for the skin and, at least the Romance Oil, doesn’t leave you smelling like a 2 dollar hooker, either.

Links for Quick Shop:

Inttimo Aromatherapy Massage Oil, Romance, 8-Ounce Bottle (Pack of 2) [recommended]

Other types found within the set:

Inttimo Aromatherapy Massage Body Oil Forbidden Fruit 8oz

Inttimo Aromatherapy Massage Oil 8 oz Tranquility

Wet Aromatherapy Massage Oil, Sensuality 8 fl oz (240 ml)

If you’re not necessarily seeking aromatic oils and would like to view other types, ‘Click Here’ for additional Massage Oil Products!

Baked or Fried – What are Swai Fillets?

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You may have asked this question recently, due to the market boom of this less commonly known fish called “Swai.”
Due to its similar taste & appearance, it is often mistook as Basa – which is a completely different type of fish.
Other names for this fish are: Iridescent shark, Siamese shark, sutchi catfish, tra, and also known as striped catfish.

Back to the query at hand, Swai is simply a catfish found in Southeast Asia. A product of Vietnam, often farm raised, it is a budget catfish that is very friendly to your wallet. Since these fillets sell at a significantly cheaper price, it was worth a try. I’m pleased to say, this fish is totally decent and it can be cooked like most fish, such as the common catfish. I prefer it battered and deep fried in peanut oil, but it also bakes well with a slight amount of oil along with seasoned salt & spices.
Baked Swai Fillets: 450 degrees for 12 – 15 minutes – depending on the amount of fish. I must say, this fish takes well to extra seasoning, since pond raised Swai are rather mild in flavor.

Swai_fillets

Extra tidbit: For whatever reason, young Iridescent sharks (Swai) are often sold as pets for home aquariums. I do not recommend this unless you have a very, very large tank setup. Not only do they prefer to live in groups, they grow to be very large. Most home aquariums will not be big enough and will greatly stunt the growth of these Swai fish – as this will usually cause premature death & organ failure. So unless you have a massive fish tank, I’d stick to pond raising ’em. Besides, if you’re lucky enough to own a well stocked pond full of these catfish, you’ll have fun fishing out the full grown ones – for some good ol’ tasty deep frying action, or however you like to cook them – baked, sauteed, or fried.  😛

…Looking for a tasty side item for your Swai Fillets?  If so, visit the “Fried Green Tomatoes” page and get to cooking…