Silly Names & Extravagant Titles for Simple Jobs

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poppycockI’m writing this┬áblog post┬átoday, out of sheer amusement. I’ve recently been thinking about how much value people often put on names & titles, when they really don’t mean anything.
I don’t want to hear about your silly labels and extravagant job descriptions, well, except on this entry. Any other time, I would rather you simply tell me such things without all the hoopla and ballyhoo.

…The same thing applies for when you are debating about a subject, lets say under the science genre, and you are more concerned about PhDs, what university you went to, and what fantastical achievements and awards have been presented, etc., while barely even acknowledging the heart of the matter/debate or points being made.
It is like, well, no matter if I’m wrong, I went to Harvard and have a masters degree in “The Art of Poppycock,” so move aside you pathetic Pollock-fish-frying loser from Long John Silver’s! LOL!

At any rate, this little post is for entertainment purposes only. You are free to add as many additional silly names & extravagant titles for simple jobs, within the comment field. Just make up a scenario or a simple job prior to each humorous title.

I’ll post a few below, to get things started:

A janitor at a local Elementary School once called his job a “Certified Sanitation Technician.”

A garbage man hanging off the back of a big garbage truck once shouted out that he is a “Human Wasteland Warrior!” Uh, that’s nice… Just take my waste to your wasteland and shut-up!

The drive-through manager at a hectic McDonald’s swears up and down that her job title is “Culinary Merchant Guru.”
Speaking of McDonald’s, one of the burger flippers at that very same restaurant, says he is a “Bovine Fryin’ Fool.” Well, at least that job title was a little more honest, that is, if the patties are really made of beef; ha!

A sales clerk at a pet shop that cleans the aquariums, checks the water’s pH level, adds chemicals and acid/base solutions if needed, gives his self the silly name of “The Aquatic Chemist.” Wow! I thought there was more to chemistry than that!

A poor, confused lady that works at a less-than-steady gas station, calls her job “Petroleum Overseer of Distribution.”

A very attractive woman that worked at a retail clothing store once claimed to be the “enticement of all fabric.” Well, I don’t know if she meant that as her job description or not, but she sure enticed me…

The french fry guy at a big-city Burger King proudly stated that he, and only he, was “The Starch Manipulator.” Uh, uh, whatever dude… I don’t think anybody is going to fight you over such a silly title; LOL!

A couple young guys that mow yards and perform other yard-related jobs for money, call their outdoor career “Eco-non-friendly Landscaping Associates.” I hate to break it to ’em, but they really need to drop that first hyphenated compound word, as it can’t be good for business…

There was once a redneck farmer with 3 teeth and a dirty straw hat that would come to town on occasions, bragging about how he was an “Agricultural Scientist.” Uh, I know that such a title does exist, but something tells me that this guy was lying… Ha!

A local bum that should have been castrated, has 12 kids with 9 different women while never holding down a job and barely pays any child support, called his self “The Fornication Specialist of Animalistic Poverty.” Well, I think you could scramble some of those words around and it would still come out right…

See how easy and fun this is? I expect a lot more silly, creative job descriptions within the comment field in due time. I could add more, but I must stop here or else I’ll be typing all morning about this inane subject. Either way, we live in a world full of wanna-be gurus and misinformation (especially online), as all we can do, at times, is to just sit back and laugh… LOL!

One Response to “Silly Names & Extravagant Titles for Simple Jobs”

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