Archive for the ‘Poppycock & Humor’ Category

What is Colloquial English, Nowadays?

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Yes, the actual definition of ‘colloquial’ is: of, relating to, or characteristic of conversation and especially of familiar and informal conversation.

Okay…so, what is colloquial English, nowadays?

I got reminded the other day, how I might be from Planet Vulcan or akin/related to Mr. Spock – due to my linguistics, rhetoric, occasional bouts of mechanical speech (which is just for fun, by the way), and so on. So, I’ll show that I’m versatile and provide some colloquial English translations for some of these new generation type folks. LOL!?

—Side note: This is the most senseless post I have ever published, but I felt as if I needed to, for whatever reason.  Another reason I wrote this, is because I work in retail and I hear this kind of dialect often, especially from younger folks that claim to be “down with it.” Anyway, try to enjoy this meaningless parody that is full of poppycock……

English: It has been a long week; I’m tired and ready to go home for some rest.

Translation: Dis be draggin’ by and me be droopin’ through this shiz nizzle and ready to chill at crib, dog.

English: I’m so glad the weekend is here; I’m ready to drink a few beers and embark upon some recreation.

Translation: Yo-yo! I bez gonna get krunk & drunk an’ mez going to raise tha roof, biatch!

English: Wow! That girl is very attractive. I would love to fornicate with her without procreating.

Translation: She be bangin’! I’d tap that ass so hard but I be wrappin’ tha john for Iz not paying for no kizzles’.

English: This is a very interesting subject and I’m apt to learn more, thanks.

Translation: Tis shiz be blowin’ my mindza an goinz to check dis outs, my bruther.

English: I’m very fond of grammatical expressions and the meanings therein.

Translation: I be pushin’ rhymes like weights and I’m feeling the vibe from spittin’ lyrics all up in this.

English: Hey, how are you doing? It’s been a while since we last spoke; good to see you.

Translation: Waz up, yo! I ain’t seen dat ass in long while; I holla at yaz!

English: I really like this music; it is loud and upbeat!

Translation: Dang man! Diz is da bomb ass hit beat; raize it up raize it up, player play on!

English: You are no match for me and you shall be defeated.

Translation: You better back up befo’ ya get smacked up ’cause I be stompin’.

English: This is a really interesting website. I’ll bookmark it and check back often.

Translation: This site’s off the hook, put it on a leash! Who let the dogs out? I holla back at cha!

English: This is the stupidest page I’ve ever wrote and I don’t know why anybody would read this poppycock!

Translation: I be hatin’ up on this crap shizzles for realz; hey, where my peeps at?!

—Okay, so… What is colloquial English, nowadays? I guess it depends on who ya talk to. Well, anyway, that is what I surmise… Ha-ha!

The Mystery of Fire – who in the hell discovered it?

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Who in the hell, first discovered fire?

A campfire encountering a blaze of glory...

It is a simple question, in a way, but cloudy at the same time. It is not clear who, what or when fire was first discovered, but there are many estimated conjectures out there…

First of all, lets clear up one commonly misphrased question. A lot of people, and even many an article has been wrote with the terms or subject line: “who invented fire?” You can’t invent something that happens naturally. Anyway… It’s a debatable matter and somewhat of a mystery, but some of the earliest evidence of fire usage, dates back 1.5 to 1.9 million years ago, thereabouts. Scientific data suggest, that it was used in Africa by the early humans, ‘Homo erectus’ – the hominid before our beloved race of today’s raging, rifely rampant Homo sapiens with radical rhetoric. But, was it controlled way back then (1.9 +/- million years ago) or was it maintained from natural causes?

With Homo erectus often getting credit for being the original fire starters, it brings many questions, like I mentioned above, as to whether they made fire or if they found it and/or discovered it and simply preserved it. By ‘finding’ it, I mean to find it in natural form…as fire cannot be invented since it can also occur naturally. And by ‘preserving’ it, I’m implying that they could have transported hot embers from place to place, to re-start new fires – hey, some hunter-gatherers in the past, did this.

But, as the old story goes, it was some caveman rubbing sticks together…maybe clashing stones or rocks, seen a spark and got the idea about the relations between friction & heat; who in the hell knows? The point is, nobody really has a definite answer when it comes to how this mystery of scorching bliss started or how it came into use for light, heat sources, and for cooking methods; it just happened, I suppose…

Like I’ve said in the past, maybe some aliens, from long ago, came down in a spaceship and displayed some pyrotechnics, then provided some know-how on how to start a fire – for these primitive beings. When it comes to aliens or an “outer entity” being the origin of this self-made version of a flaming heat source for Earth’s inhabitants, it can be proven about as much as any other fire-starting theory. Lightning could have simply struck a tree around these primates, or maybe the mythical god “Zeus” dropped down and got pissed off at what he seen, shot some bolts of fury and left. Hmm, that sounds familiar, ha-ha! You tell me…

For more humorous suggestions, incorrect info, and fantasy data, etc., go here: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Fire  …But, just remember, that last link was for entertainment purposes only, as they sure as hell aren’t correct…

Now, for the real reason and motive behind this post: Have you ever wanted to make a primitive ‘fire ring’ consisting of real riverbed rocks or creek rocks, placed in a circle? I don’t mean a modern fire pit with bricks & mortar, I mean one that even a caveman could have built, back in the day. I’ve done it, and have a couple pictures below to display. It is not that hard to do, but requires a little effort. If you have the land space, simply clear out a circle, dig a small pit, add the rocks around it, and presto…lets make a fire.

I think most people enjoy the campfire scenes. But, after thinking about the history of it all, maybe we enjoy it in such a way that we don’t even consciously realize…sort of like we’re subconsciously getting back in touch with our primitive roots, perhaps? Either way, a toasty flame is always nice during the cold winter months. Some people like to roast food over it, but nearly all of us enjoy the view – as long as we are not inside or within the hellish inferno, LOL!

Caveman’s Fire Ring – Pre-ignition:

An encirclement of creek rocks, to bound the future fires...

An encirclement of creek rocks, to bound the future fires...

Caveman says, “I want winter fire, now!” 

It was a frigid day, so I started a furious fire amid the snow. Okay, I cheated; I used gasoline, ha-ha!

It was a frigid day, so I started a furious fire amid the snow. Okay, I cheated; I used gasoline, ha-ha!

Adversely Adamant Aspects of AdSense

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To some people out there, making money online means more than it should, but I have my reasons for saying this. Don’t worry, I’ll eventually get to the adverse part of this, in a moment…

I mean really, I bet there are many of you that would get more excited making one hundred dollars online as opposed to a full weeks paycheck from a factory job, warehouse, or wherever. The reality is, we rather get paid for what we enjoy doing (do you?) as opposed to working for others. Makes sense to me.

The sad part is, for many of us, when it comes to making a comfortable living or at least enough to survive, it doesn’t really matter. In actuality, money is simply money. The only thing that seems to matter, is how hard it is to obtain.

Some people rather work hard for their greenbacks and feel like they physically earned it, some rather use their brain and mentally earn it, while most individuals rather earn it the easy way and in whatever way possible.

I understand “working” online is great for talented writers, web designers, people in niche markets, how-to advice sites, and so on. It is also great for stay-at-home moms and laid-off people, jobless ones, or retired folks; totally understandable, but that’s not the point.

The point is, when you check your affiliate stats, AdSense stats or whatever kind of stats it is that you check, and you see that some dividends has landed into your account, do you get excited? Okay, sure ya do. Now, when you worked for an employer and they handed you…your weekly or bi-monthly check, did you get excited then? Probably not…well, unless you’re one of the fortunate ones who make the big bucks. But I doubt if that type of individual is on here, because if you’re already making lots of money offline, what the hell are you doing trying to sell stuff online? It is time consuming, and anyone who is or has been successful should know, it doesn’t happen overnight.

Now, what about the adversely adamant aspects of AdSense?Ha-ha! I’ll get to the adverse part in a minute, but it was just a fancy title to say that the often unfavorable, unyielding appearance of AdSense, often becomes a primary focal point and an obsession – for some folks. With regards to this, it brings back memories in the past, when I used to check affiliate sales, commissions, et cetera, and as the stats illuminated into my eyes…I couldn’t help but feel enthralled or fascinated. I caught myself one day, getting a little too excited over an amount of pay that I could have went and flipped burgers for a week and made. But all that is in the past, and it was a roller coaster ride full of ups and downs. At one time, I nearly cut down to part-time from my offline job; I’m glad I didn’t. One of my businesses had to go out, after the government passed a new law banning transactions from online betting. That sucked, because it was really raking in the bucks. I also had a decent profit from several adult entertainment industries and a few other affiliations, retail marketing, etc.

So, wait a minute. I thought we was talking about the aspects of the adversely adamant AdSense? Oh yeah, well… There is hope for many of the newbies and struggling talent, but you better be in it for the long haul and don’t quit unless you’re sure that’s what you want to do. Just think, for example, if you already have a year invested and you up and quit, delete everything or whatever…and you change your mind six months later. That’s a whole year lost! Things like this takes time, and it is part of most search engine’s algorithms to favor older, more established pages as opposed to freshly published ones. Don’t ask me; that’s just the way it is.

The next subject I’m about to cover, actually relates to “adverse AdSense.”

There is something disturbing that I’ve been reading lately, and it is about all these people getting their AdSense accounts permanently suspended for suspicious activity.

These ad pushers swear up and down how they didn’t participate in click fraud, but ya know what? Someone else did. See, if someone was to start “click bombing” your account, they could get you shut down, for good! It will show up as someone under the same IP address repetitively clicking, and Google looks at it as bad business for their advertisers and for better interest, they will basically ban you from AdSense. Now, this isn’t fair and I still have more research to do before I’m sure if this has been rectified or not. It doesn’t seem right, that someone could do this.

I even read one sad story about how this guy had his girlfriend write quality content for him, and over time, he was making pretty good money with AdSense. Well, one day they had a bad break-up and evidently she was a little more web savvy than he ever known, and she went and click-bombed a lot of his Google adverts and within no time, he was banned. To Google, it may look like you told somebody to go click your ads for a financial reward. But please, as advanced as this search engine is, surely they can use something to prevent this or somehow compensate the negatively impacted advertisers and save your account.

I also read how one guy sued Google for the remaining funds in his account after getting shitcanned by them, and he won back his 700 and some odd dollars. Okay, now please, nobody try the whole “click bombing” thing. It is not good for anyone and hopefully Google will come up with a foolproof plan to prevent this from happening in the future.

Now, enough about the adversely adamant aspects of AdSense. On the flip side, it is a great service, like many of Google’s features, and it can be a decent source of income, as well. Good luck with the revenue and keep the content flowing in a unique, original fashion……

I used the big elephant to represent the "Google Giants." I suppose the little elephant can represent the writers, like us, ha-ha!

I used the big elephant to represent the "Google Giants." I suppose the little elephant can represent the writers, like us, ha-ha!

The Manifestations of One…

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Mankind awakens, just like any other race of beings from an embodiment of awareness from some outlandish, bizarre galaxy from the manifestations of our own consciousness. The dividends of the properties of infinity are unlimited to the numeric value of one, so the same applies to our perspective of the zero of none or into one. It starts primitive, in whatever entity you want to enter into the subkindom, as your universal self presents itself, as long as you start elementary and within your own proper level of existence – or else you will degenerate and restart at a lower level. Our goal is to behold its amazement of our own self, our creation, consciousness as a unity of oneness, all within an unaware capsule of randomness that we created all along due to our single nonrandom force that equalled one, which equals a chess match that is never won, but designed & destined to only equal a tie – since it is from one but is never won. The ultimate goal is not so much a goal of unity, since, if we achieved it, we would all collapse again – split once again, and go bang; but there is a goal to reach a state that we are aware of an existence that is as infinite, endless & boundless as one self-creates – as our imagination & subconscious dictates. The universe is chaos, and we live in a perfect world. The weather on Earth represents our current moods, the cosmos represents our resilience, our thoughts represents as one. It is the manifestations of one…

Okay, you don’t actually believe this crap, do ya? Ha-ha! LOL!

The manifestations of one...

The manifestations of one...

How to remain ignorant…

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Before you begin reading this hogwash, you must remember: this is a sarcastic way of saying “how to become more aware.”

One must block out everything except for what you want to hear; think selfishly and you shall remain ignorant.

One must only accept compliments; never absorb insults or ponder over what you could’ve did and/or why you make others mad.

To think that you may be wrong, is completely out of the question; you are your own universe of ignorance!

Here’s an easy way to achieve your ignorant goal: Just blindly go out and select an organized religion and adhere to it like a crazed lunatic!

Ignore your naturalistic surroundings and never pay attention to the harmony of nature; if you start looking too closely, you may start becoming aware of your own existence – no, no; that’s bad!

An educated way to remain ignorant, is by going to college and becoming a “textbook warrior” while being dependent on textbooks for all of life’s questions. This educated path to ignorance often leaves people brain damaged and can cause the individual to no longer think for themselves.

Happiness can go with both awareness and ignorance, so this aspect doesn’t apply; you can be depressed or happy while being ignorant.

Dull you imagination down with whatever depressive, mundane thoughts you can think of. When thinking of life, think “routine.”

Go easy on the drugs & alcohol, since some of these “substances” can really open up some creative thoughts. ……Hold on a second, I need a beer!

Fall into the monetary trap of society and become materialistic, if possible; be a proud consumer cog, et cetera.

Those were just a few examples; I could list more, but why bother?

The real message behind this nonsense and lackluster verbiage: This was an easy way of sarcastically saying how to become more aware. Yada-yada, blah-blah, woot-woot!

Consciousness, Human Mind, Cognitive Powers, Ignorance, Awareness...

Consciousness, Human Mind, Cognitive Powers, Ignorance, Awareness...

Forum Philosophy – Toilet Paper for the Weak…

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This post is dedicated to all of the sissy cry babies found at online forums within certain community sites on the web.  Yes, the folks who are extremely sensitive and try to get people banned for so-called “personal attacks” if you decide to confront them, disagree with them, and display too much of something called wits & intelligence.  Fun-fun!
Toilet Paper for the Weak...

Toilet Paper for the Weak...

Toilet paper is a soft paper product (also known as tissue paper) used to maintain personal hygiene after human waste release – due to bowel movements, dung release, fecal fling out, defecation, piss and/or urination! It can also be used for other purposes such as absorbing spillages or even semen, for that matter. Its origin dates back as far as 1862, but one can only hope the “Homo erectus” at least used tree leaves! It differs in composition somewhat from facial tissue…not to misconstrue as a “facial” that is often known within the porn industry, but most toilet paper is designed to decompose in septic tanks.

The Homo sapiens currently use this form of “toilet tissue” in abundance, mostly due to overeating, along with rampant outbreaks of violent diarrhea, and whatnot… Ha-ha!

The lesson: One must know these things when entering online forums, as you better be equipped with moist wipes and toilet tissues or else you might get banned or something… There is definitely a lot of “sensitive” weak individuals out there…so moist wipes need be applied!

—End of Forum Philosophy 101

Genesis Theory via Scientific Parody

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At the end of this video, you’ll see quotes from Michael S.  Instead of copying them here, I’ll just rephrase the words, so it won’t be plagiarism.

In this video, Michael Shermer, author of “Why Darwin Matters,” tries to portray the preposterous logic that occurs when you attempt to insert the bolts of science into the pinholes of religion.  He captured this scientific revison, and made a new version of the Genesis creation theory/story.  He didn’t intend it to be some sacrilegious parody of the original, lovely poetic story of Genesis, but to make his point, he gave it a fresh, new touch…sort of like an add-on or remodel to what the creationists have already done; especially since most creationist insist that Genesis be read not as a myth but as a scientific actuality through a simple reinterpreted language. Basically, the point is, by using terms within the scientific community of today, in theory, this would be the version of Genesis @ our present time of existence.
Yes folks, it is the Genesis Theory via Scientific Parody…

This video is very amusing and is worth a view; check it out below:


My favorite part, was when he said God became angry with the people and told them to “go forth and multiply themselves,”  (translated via colloquial English – go fu*k yourself!).  Ha-ha!  I hope y’all enjoyed this video/parody…

Hail to thee...

—Update:  I’ve recently wrote an article that was semi-related to this subject. 

Visit:  Creation Theories – Ultimate Queries

‘Christmas Rebellion’

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It is that time of year and yes, for the unfortunate retail folks (Wal-Mart workers included) bearing the weight of the ferocious frugalities known to man…and for all the other superstitious, sentimental gluts and flatulent fucks:   the season to be frolicked is finally here.  Yeah, praise be … ?

Is it just me, or has the “holidays” become more of a merchandising method of madness, an obligation to a gift-giving notion (to people you rarely even relate to), an indecisive, annual, and a possible last-minute debacle that you often dread?

Don’t get me wrong, I totally see the glee in traditions geared towards a family, but I’m speaking from a common/typical normalcy that has evolved into this gadget-infested life of cold-hearted, computerized, illogical idiocies – while simultaneously conveying this wonderfully stress-free idea of a “Christmas Rebellion.”

Look here, to the ones who are disconcerted, dear moronic imbeciles:

How many people look at Christmas as anything other than gift-swapping and get-togethers with FOOD?

Okay…   Why can’t y’all supposed close-knit individuals do this without a calendar, or maybe even display this “group hug” crap – anytime of the year???  You know, since we all just love everybody and are just so damn fuckin’ cordial to each other, right?   [Ha!]

If there is all this “love,” then why just share it on the “holidays?”  Is there a reason for this pretension of bull-shit that gets exploited and manipulated by the marketing industry every year now?  Is there a sacredness to these dates?  Yeah, well, the Winter Solstice is historically known for providing lots of festivals, celebrations, royal feasts, pagan parties, and even the Christians managed to get their fork into this seasonal pie as well; and most likely, there were many other amusing, astute, amplified sovereign acts that transpired during this time of year – down through the timetables of history. Speaking of that, even the damn so-called “Mayan Prophecy of Doom” is roughly aligned along the same beloved time of year.

—Merry Christmas (Ha-ha-ha!)

—————>‘Click Here’ to Shop for Gag Gifts (great for the hard-to-shop-for people!)<—————

Fuck you, Santa

Fuck off, Santa...you feign, heroic bastard......

 *Looking to buy that last minute Christmas gift for your dearly beloved, family or friends?  If so, you can’t go wrong with Electronics.

You can do a quick shop here… Visit:  The ‘Electronic Haven’ via Amazon, today!

—————>‘Click Here’ for Beer & Alcohol-related products!<—————

—————>‘Click Here’ for Marijuana-related products!<—————